There was a stunning news story recently about some intruders who forced a local family to lie down and be rolled up in rugs while the burglars searched the family’s home. The family of four remained rolled up in the rugs for 45 minutes until the bad guys left. The victims must have been terrified, but fortunately no one was hurt.
The article was arresting–not just because the poor victims were temporarily turned into human flautas–but because at least one of the bad guys obviously knew something about history. He must have gotten the idea from the account of how Cleopatra hid inside a rolled-up rug to be presented to Caesar. When the rug was opened, Cleopatra rolled out and dazzled the noble Roman. You know the rest.
It must be a marker of today’s high unemployment when beneficiaries of a fine liberal arts education are unable to find jobs in their chosen fields of study. How awful that they feel compelled to use their knowledge of history and literature for evil purposes.
The terrifying thing is that both history and literature are replete with other examples that can give ideas to today’s literate lawbreakers. Keep ‘em away from the classics so they never read about the Trojan horse. The Prince would be a terrible influence. Reading about Harry Potter might inspire them to come up with a real invisibility cloak. Little Red Riding Hood could give someone the idea to dress up like your grandmother to do you harm. And please, let’s keep A Tale of Two Cities from falling into the wrong hands. Who wants to be held up at guillotine-point? Ouch!
Obviously, unemployed liberal arts majors pose a clear and present danger to society. They know way too much! So, if you’re a prospective employer, do the right thing. Do what’s good for the country. Hire an English major today. As for the rest of us, we should probably just stick to wall-to-wall carpeting.