Smarty Pants Criminals

There was a stunning news story recently about some intruders who forced a local family to lie down and be rolled up in rugs while the burglars searched the family’s home. The family of four remained rolled up in the rugs for 45 minutes until the bad guys left. The victims must have been terrified, but fortunately no one was hurt.

The article was arresting–not just because the poor victims were temporarily turned into human flautasbut because at least one of the bad guys obviously knew something about history. He must have gotten the idea from the account of how Cleopatra hid inside a rolled-up rug to be presented to Caesar. When the rug was opened, Cleopatra rolled out and dazzled the noble Roman. You know the rest.

It must be a marker of today’s high unemployment when beneficiaries of a fine liberal arts education are unable to find jobs in their chosen fields of study. How awful that they feel compelled to use their knowledge of history and literature for evil purposes.

The terrifying thing is that both history and literature are replete with other examples that can give ideas to today’s literate lawbreakers. Keep ’em away from the classics so they never read about the Trojan horse. The Prince would be a terrible influence. Reading about Harry Potter might inspire them to come up with a real invisibility cloak. Little Red Riding Hood could give someone the idea to dress up like your grandmother to do you harm. And please, let’s keep A Tale of Two Cities from falling into the wrong hands. Who wants to be held up at guillotine-point? Ouch!

Obviously, unemployed liberal arts majors pose a clear and present danger to society. They know way too much! So, if you’re a prospective employer, do the right thing. Do what’s good for the country. Hire an English major today. As for the rest of us, we should probably just stick to wall-to-wall carpeting.

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  • Expat mum

    They probably saw it on a Disney cartoon I fear! Goodness what they'd do with the Scarlet Pimpernel!

  • William von Rentzell

    I'd hate to burst a bubble here but isn't it just as likely they caught "Cleopatra" on late night TV and thought they'd try it?

  • William von Rentzell

    Gosh, I forgot the Sherlock Holmes movie from the WWII years that's been broadcast on WGN etc ad infinitum wherein a socialite about to be married to a US Navy Lt is kidnapped by Nazi spies via being drugged and rolled into a rug on her wedding day. Or was it the navy LT that was kifdnapped? It's been a while since I last caught it's broadcast.

  • William von Rentzell

    I couldn't let it go. It was the debutante rolled up in a rug in Sherlock Holmes in Washington. recently retired(Nov 30 2009) I have the time to yield to the intrigue.